A Munchausen by proxy survivor still victimized by her mother’s lies

In all civilized societies, it’s a given that mothers protect their children. Protecting children is such normal everyday expected behavior that when a mother not only fails to protect, but actually tries to harm her child, it’s something to consider and question. Why would a mother want to hurt her own child–in this case my mother? Why does she want to hurt me?
This unnatural behavior goes all the way back to my childhood, year after year, when she literally tortured me, by dragging me to clinics and doctors. She tried her best to have me labeled abnormal. She never had any medical or clinical support to back up her self-serving diagnoses, but she nevertheless insisted I was physically and mentally challenged and constantly told me that there was “something wrong” with me.
She was on a constant journey looking for a cure for me and every few months she would travel to a clinic in Pennsylvania, where she told the doctors I was learning disabled. She urged them to continually test me. The doctors at the clinic did EEGs on my brain and constantly performed blood tests, and forced me to take multiple supplements and medications and perform exercises of creeping, crawling, and cross-pattern walking. She was basically experimenting on me like I was her guinea pig.
The irony is that at the same time she was professing to be concerned about my health and what I ate, she was also determined that I should be poisoned by household bleach. She insisted that I take bleach baths, demanded that I clean the bathroom with bleach a on a toothbrush, and made sure that the door was firmly closed at the time so I could breathe in the maximum volume of fumes.
My mother was not satisfied with the damage she had done in my childhood. She continues to do this today by trying to convince my family and friends that I am mentally defective when in truth all signs point to the fact that she is the problem. She even interceded in a custody dispute involving my own children. While in family court, she told lies on the stand to the judges and to child protective services. She made claims that I was on anti -depression medication and that I was in a car accident and that I had a mental break down as a result, falsely stated to CPS workers that I locked my children out of my house. She also stated to CPS that I was a danger to myself and others, made statements that I was going to kill myself, and stated that I broke into her house and stole money. She told my cousin I would soon be in prison for “25 years to life.”
Every single claim my Munchausen by proxy mother has made is 100 percent bogus, yet she has gotten away with telling these lies. She managed to persuade so many people and some of them were professionals. The problem is my mother’s lies, her fake stories, have been accepted as fact by many people and they don’t go away. No one wants to believe that a mother would lie about her own children. So, my mother has been riding on the wave of ordinary mothers who love and support their children while in fact she is the monster who eats her young.

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57 Responses to A Munchausen by proxy survivor still victimized by her mother’s lies

    • Hi Zack, I am deeply sorry that your son is dealing with kind of abuse as well. I hope someone will stand up soon and help you and your son. So much more education needs to be brought out to the public so this type of abuse stops.

    • This is exactly what I am experiencing with my mother she.has so many people believing the craziest things I am afraid she is trying to take my child next I don’t know what to do no one believes.me!

      • Hi Elizabeth,

        I’m deeply sorry you are having to deal with the fact that no one listens. We need change in this area yesterday. Many need to get educated around this illness so that the chain of events stops at childhood. If it is not taken care of at that point the domino effect leads right into the second generation from what I have experienced. You think to yourself thank God I made it out alive yet here the munchausen by proxy comes again to do more damage to your own children.The lies never seem to end and the damages continue.

        I have a few suggestions as to what may be helpful but for sure I don’t have all the answers. I would show the people what she is lying about and present all the facts. Also, give them information about Munchausen by proxy. Hopefully, it will open their eyes to what is really going on. I wish you all the best and that someone takes action to help you and your child.

  1. This is such a sad and frightening story! It is very hard to believe that this kind of mental illness exists but it does. I’m so proud of Judy sharing her story and pain in the hope of educating and helping others.

    • Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. My vision is to create change for the children in the present and future. As well as educate the public to create change.

  2. Are you my long lost sibling because your mother sounds exactly like mine! I’m sorry for what you had to go through but you’re not alone. Stay strong and the best thing to do is to get away from them.

    • Your voice is important and I am so deeply sorry you have as well suffered this type of abuse. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. Yes, I agree the best thing you can do is remove them from your life. Together we stand.

    • Thank you for your kind words. You would think that people should be held accountable when they lie but unfortunately, that is not the way this was handled. But I do still have hope in my heart that somehow it will be addressed.

      • Thank you for your kind words. You would think that people should be held accountable when they lie but unfortunately, that is not the way this was handled. But I do still have hope in my heart that somehow it will be addressed.

    • Hi Jessica,
      I am so deeply sorry that you suffered physical damages from this type of abuse. You never deserved it and I hope you will find healing along the path of your journey. You are a warrior. Thank you for sharing.

      • Bless you all…may you be protected and may your life improve. thank you for sharing your stories and bringing light to these situations. It will help us to spot it i hope.

        It’s terrifying that they are able to convince “professionals”….and it really shows how a person can be a monster in plain sight.

        • Hi Jane,
          Thank you for your kind words of support. Like you I hope that my story will help others spot this illness faster and create the change that is needed yesterday. Yes, it is terrifying that they are able to convince “professionals.” She is still in plain sight and nothing is being done to stop her. My healing process is ongoing and I believe and know with all my heart that I will not let her change by belief in knowing I am important, beautiful and that my voice matters.
          Bless you,
          Judy

    • Hi Jessica,
      I am deeply sorry that you suffered permanent physical damages from this type of abuse. You are a warrior and I hope that along your journey you will find healing to create change from the damages you suffered.

  3. there are people out there who get it and believe you,who have either professional or personal experience with these depraved ” mothers”

    • Hi Anon, As I go forward after all is said and done I do believe that many believe me but nothing has been done to correct it and the Munchausen by proxy is still walking free in society. I am left with the aftermath of her damages while she walks free to hurt others.

    • I believe you are right Anon that some people do get it, but I am left with the aftermath of the damages. She is also still walking free in society and I truly fear the danger others are in as well as for myself and my children and grandchildren.

  4. Please reach out to me. I think (and so does my therapist) that my mother had Munchhausen by proxy and I can’t kick the feeling that nobody understands. If you get notifications for this post, please comment back and we can exchange emails. Thank you.

    • Hi Kaylee,
      Thank you for reaching out. Our voices are very important in creating change in the present and future. I am deeply sorry you have suffered this type of abuse as well. I understand and look forward to connecting with you and talking further.

    • Hi Kaylee,
      I am deeply sorry you have suffered this type of abuse as well. Thank you for reaching out with the desire to connect. I look forward to hearing more and look forward to creating change in the present and future.

  5. This happened to me as well it’s exactly the same story she made me think I had seizures and I had a lumber puncture done and she was so abusive hitting me I was a nervous wreck she gave me tablets I never needed and told family lies about me for years and reported me to the authorities for years I felt she seemed to target me more than my other siblings as I was always her focus but it’s because she got attention that’s all she wanted to make me feel bad

    • Hi Neill,
      Thank you for sharing your story. I am deeply sorry you suffered this type of abuse as well. You are very strong to stand up to her. In the present and the future, I hope we all will create change by having our voices heard and believed. I know for me a lot of my own healing began when I stood up to her abuse. I hope for you the same kind of healing because you never deserved to be abused.

  6. I’m going through this now as well. I’m frightened just to post about it online. It seems like she’s always trying to dig to find out how much I know or am about to expose. Looking back on my life, I seem to have experienced a way disproportionate amount more bug bites than other kids. Even the “poor” kids. Every time I have defied her I would wake up with massive spider bites. Usually in my bed, underneath the toilet seat or in a shoe. The stuff of nightmares.

    • Hi Scurry,
      I understand your fear of going public due to future abuse and or retaliation from your abuser. I am glad that you were able to comment here and I agree that this type of abuse is and can be a nightmare for sure. All the best. Stay strong.

  7. You don’t say how old you are, but please don’t assume everyone believes your mother. If they do, have faith. It took me until I was 50 to find out that people started getting wise to my mothers lies. Now she is in her 80’s and everyone has abandoned her. Usually people who lie about their own kids are narcissists and the older they get the more outrageous and unbelievable they become.

    • Hi Jessica,
      Faith is what I live on. And hope is why I went public with my story. I believe that by informing and educating others we can create change in the present and the future. You are a strong person and I’m glad that change has come to you around this type of abuse.

    • Hi Jessica,
      I have faith in my heart and hope for the present and the future. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I’m glad things started to turn around for you with your abusers. You always deserved to be treated kindly and you never should have been abuse.

  8. So very true I have 4 grandchildren that no one will even consider looking at the records, that if laid out and put together would show the full picture of what my daughter has done to her boys. The saddest thing is that those that also have seen and know this to be the case sit by idly and watche,to the point that my last grandson has severe damage at 5 and the oldest that lives at home will never be able to exist on his own.
    I continually pray that the light will be shown or one physician or medical professional or school employee will be brave enough to report and stand behind what they know to be the case. I have investigated and obtain several medical records to show that this should absolutely be looked into, but even after reporting to every source possible to no avail.

    • Hi Denise,
      I am deeply sorry that your grandchildren have had to suffer this type of abuse and the professional people involved that could have made a difference have not done anything about it. When we reach out to people that are mandated reporters and it falls on deaf ears its beyond painful and feels devastating, to say the least. It puts you in a position of feeling powerless over the abuse that is going on. We can only hope that with every voice and more education to the public our voices will be heard and one less child will be abused.

  9. I feel your pain, and I want you to know that I believe you. I’m nineteen, and just escaped a mentally and medically abusive household. I recently found out I was drugged for eight and a half years. I know what you mean when you say that she’s kept on ruining your life even after leaving. I had to move two states distance just to make sure I was away from the chaos. I know there’s been rumors and lies spread about me in and around my hometown. I want you to know that we’re all here for you, and thank you for sharing.

    • Hi Shay,
      Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I’m deeply sorry for the abuse you suffered as well. I’m glad you were able to move far away from your abuser. I wish I was much future away from her then I am and I hope one day I will have more of a chance to do so. I share custody of my son right now with his father so it is impossible to leave the area and as well I feel ist very important for me to be as close as I can to all my children as I fear futher damages that she could create.

    • Hi Mel,
      I’m deeply sorry you have a story of abuse just like mine. I hope that all our voices together will create change.

  10. We are in collective-denial of the archetype of the Devouring Mother. I’m saddened to read of the tortured conditions in which you grew up. My own healing process did not fully begin until age 58 when I went No Contact with my Munchausen’s by Proxy Mum. Because the family I grew up in was so enculturated by lies and deception, because my credibility had been destroyed from birth by my mother based upon the severe learning disabilities and mental illness induced by household chemicals, particularly perfumes, no one would talk to me when I witnessed her abusing a neighbor or her husband (both had advanced dementia). Only after leaving the entire family cluster have I found myself truly on a path to Recovery.

    • I’m deeply sorry to hear that you suffered the same type of abuse. I’m happy to know that you found the courage to stand up to your abuser and you have begun your healing journey. You are a worrier and your voice is important. My hope is to create change and I believe we can all do this by informing the public and creating awareness with education.

  11. I just wanted to say that I relate and understand to your story and thank you for sharing it. In my case, is was a stepmother (biological mother died), she told them repeatedly I had “mental problems” and had me at a psychiatrist at 3 years of age! They told her I was highly intelligent, stubborn, and strong willed. Meanwhile, she beat me, starved me, and tried drowning me, or just drown me, long enough to sputter and scare me. This went on until the age of 10, with a year break between 7-8 where I lived with my grandmother.

    My biological father went along with all of it, but never spent any time at home to confirm. I saw therapists, psychiatrists etc. over and over and over. I excelled in school, followed the rules, and tried to prove to everyone nothing was wrong with me. However, her lies, torture, and the made up psychiatric problems have come up routinely, even as an adult. I achieved a degree, a happy marriage, purchased a home, but this information is on the internet, I’m sure by her or her son, it is horrible. And it never goes away. I have to work for my inner peace and question everyone’s genuineness. I can’t even see a legitimate therapist, because they all want to dig in and find out. It is horrible and it is never over.

    I read your story, my heart goes out to you. I also had the eeg’s, the ongoing blood tests, forced to take unnecessary medications, and NOBODY in the family would listen to me, and even though she shot (with a gun) my biological sister, the sister still defended her in court so she would not go to jail!!! The stepmother claimed I was mentally insane. She ruined my life. It is absolutely and profoundly ruined in a way I cannot undo. I’ve gotten professional help to overcome PTSD issues, but my family was ruined and will never recover.

    Fortunately, I had one true friend as an adult, who was also a victim of abuse, and that friendship lasted 25 years before she died of cancer. She had chosen happiness over the craziness, she was determined not to let all of that bring her down, and she didn’t. I was also blessed to have a grandmother that told me throughout those years that nothing was wrong with me, my dad just could not see her like she was. She stood up for me and advocated for me as much as she was allowed. I have also been blessed to meet a mate that listened to me and understood my crazy story and the effects, rather than write me off, he has been a major key to my growth and letting it go. I continue to struggle, I continue to receive looks, and judgement from others that believe she had any sanity. My family has never been right, and I accept they never will be. That biological sister that defended her and hated me, we do not speak at all. My dad is dying now, but he never made it right. He just married another woman, luckily no children were involved for them to be crazy to.

    I’m sharing my story with you to say there is hope, there are others who went through this sort of thing, and if you need to talk, I’m willing to disclose my number via email. I can be reached at LCESlori@gmail.com. I hope you find hope and comfort, and most of all peace. From the heart, Lori

    • Hi Lori,

      Thank you for all your kind words and for opening up to share your story. I am so very sorry that you have experienced the same type of abuse. I am grateful for your willingness to connect and I look forward to hearing back from you and connecting in the future. Your story brought tears down my face as well as comfort in my heart that someone truly understands what it is like to endure this type of abuse. Lets make plans to talk soon.

  12. I have the same mother they are monsters took me 48 years to figure out what this woman is about this is also Malignant Narcissism scapegoating projection gas slighting smear campaign they gain following by allowing others to abuse us so the campaign flying monkeys and minions usually to hide there own neglect criminal acts blame the innocent for the thing they are doing projection stonewalling.

    To make matters worse the mental health system generates trillions of dollars off of people like us and put us on psychotropic drugs, tell us we bounce all over the place. No there stories and horrors are very real they move real fast and explaining these various senarios make us look sound crazy and we even after in my case 48 years of this and so many tend to believe them.

    In my case 2 memories and years of studying abusers there words and mirraculousy a book of tactics after a dream of the word invalidation which is the core of the entire interaction of every encounter and yes mothers that are monsters do exist and that fact made this even harder to unravel even though there actions are directed at us we cant even find a place in our brain to tell us they are real.

    The drug for PTSD Resperdol generates 28 million a year our government gets 35% and much much more the trillions made of of targets like us is what feeds the pockets of psychiatrists, counselors, pharmeceutical companies, mortuaries and graveyards from early suicide. The Courts especially family court , prisons for people take matters in there own hands because they blame us say “stop playing victim” get out of the past”. That would be very nice if they would let us.

    Know this they are all being taped our eyes are the window of the soul and the tape recorders our true self is where the one the creators first born lives in all living things his name is not spirit but ITT and Jesus big brother he is older.

    Tell him Welcome to myself again and he is going to show the world this is how the devil rules the world and unfortunately the number of Malignant Narcissism range about 80% and the other 20 % want to be cause the only other choice is to be like us made less than slaves and earn the system trillions of dollars for our governments policies and procedures they can enjoy there money now but that wont by them a spot were only we and us go not I god thinkers and you slave makers out of the 20% marked to generate all the money.

    The wrong people are in the Counseling sessions and Mental institutions we can’t prove an eye roll or invalidation makes us sound like babies and crazy set up to do that and they know that this is the truth at least the corrupt ones like our mothers monsters.

    • Hi Kathleen, I’m deeply sorry you have suffered this abuse as well. I am thankful for your encouragement and wisdom around this type of abuse. I agree with you one hundred percent that many are gathering a profit rather than looking for facts and this is why we end up with not receiving the help that is needed. It’s sad when I look back to all the thousands that have been spent and all they truly needed to do is believe me. I still have hope that change will come and that all of our voices are important. I know that I can not get back the time that has been lost because time is something none of us can get back after its gone.

  13. I’m a loving , nurturing and caring mother but my mother isn’t she constantly trying to hurt slander lie my name and I’m in her house now joe do I leave ? I had to call a ambulance after she slit my wrist . I hop my kids and me ok we didn’t do anything wrong I don’t want us getting the blame

    • Hi Rebecca,
      I am deeply sorry you are having to deal with this kind of abuse. If you can find someone you feel safe enough to trust it sounds like it would be in your best interest to get away from this abuse. Yout in my thoughts.

  14. It’s not easy to make much sense of your allegations of abuse as nowhere do you indicate how or when you became aware of your mother’s inappropriate help seeking behaviours or misuse of bleach.

    Presuming you wrote this article yourself with the minimum typical assistance of having another make sure your points were clear and odd grammatical tidying up, your IQ is great. Wether or not you had some minor earlier learning issues or some minor co ordination issues it wouldn’t be unusual and such are generally mostly resolved by maturing or minor interventions that can speed up this process.

    It’s apparent your mother did not find you as a child meeting her expectations and her responses would have had you withdraw and appear subdued furthering her reactions on fixing you, punishing you and blaming you with consolidating a negative view of you. As you became an older child and teen this harsh critical environment could elicit some levels of defence mechanisms to survive which your mother would use as further evidence against you as she could never accept responsibility for her responses.

    Regardless, your letter implies that you did manage to seperate her negative view of you to how you understand yourself and abilities. What does not make any sense at all is how you did not go fully no contact with her as an adult. Especially once having children to keep them protected from her. Going no contact with her is 100%. It means you would need to even reduce engaging with other family and friends whenever it could overlap with your mother.Never attending functions where she may be present. Being careful about what you say or share about your life if anything would be passed on to her.Likewise never discussing your mother or maligning her. Just keep to a minimal explanation that you have serious personal reasons for no longer contacting her again.

    If you had done this and keep it up your mother would loose all power to make any insinuations about you. How can she if you’ve no longer ever been near her or shared anything about your later adult life with her or ever seen your children or your home life? If she was as extreme to manipulate that others have said things about you it could be promptly dismissed as heresay. The supposed reporters would be then grilled about what they supposedly claimed and most likely refute it.

    Your not having gone no contact and continued interactions with those who believe your mothers allegations has me feel you have left out a lot that doesn’t fit in with the rest of the tone of your letter of confident judgement re your mothers behaviours and your seemingly being in great form leading a well adjusted life.

    What are you leaving out? It’s no crime to have resultant issues, unresolved co dependancy ties, sometimes resulting in mutual ongoing abuse and problems. Adult victims need to work with counsellors to gain insight, be honest and learn to take responsibility for their responses to make healing adjustments.Plus still reach the no contact situation with a mother with such negative reactive responses towards you.

    • Hi Brigette,
      You bring up some great points but I’m unsure you understand completely how difficult this type of abuse can be and how hard it is to handle it. Of course, this is only part of the long journey I suffered under the abusive of a mother suffering from Munchausen by proxy. To try to explain to you the “why” and ‘why not” I’m not sure you could possibly understand without being raised by a person with this illness and even if you had it may still be hard because Im sure the answers would be different for every survivor. The best answers to the questions you have brought up may be best coming from someone like Dr.Marc Feldman who is an expert in the area of this illness. I can assure you that I have had my share of counseling and have had great results and crated awesome boundries. Thank you for kind words.

  15. My brother continues to go through this. My mother has convinced doctors judges and a host of so called professionals that he is autistic. As an adult I tried to get guardianship and free him but the. money and attention is too good for her to let go and now I can’t even see him.He will be her prisoner for life. Drs need training to recognize fractious mental health. I cry every night for him.

    • Hi Lori, I am deeply sorry no one listened to you when you stood up for your brother . I understand the deep pain involved in no one listening when you are reporting abuse. Thank you for sharing your story with me . You and your brother are in my thoughts.

  16. Thank you for sharing your story. As a parent myself it is so horrifying to think of harming my child in any way. If anything I have overly protected him and have been very codependent- which has its own damaging issues – but can be worked though (for me and him)
    My question is this, when or at what age did you realize this was happening to you? How did you deal with it? I am reeling myself at age 54 in confirmation from my sister that my mother did this to me in my younger years. I suspected it and did years of research trying to figure out the reasons why I had such high fevers and couldn’t eat and was so sick in my childhood. When I look at pictures of myself I was deathly skinny – why didn’t the school or my father or anyone try to intervene? I need to know what could have caused high fevers and such extreme nausea .? What substances could have used to harm me? My stomach has always been tender and extremely sensitive to everything that I put in my body.

    • Hi Bev,
      Thank you for your kind words. At a very young age I realized my mother was very different then other mothers. I would say I was around 5 or 6 years of age. She was never loving or comforting and she was not good at showing love and or receiving love from her own children. She was very cold hearted. Her heart was very separated from us and she was always negative and screaming at us all the time. She found everything “wrong” with us on an everyday basis and was dragging me to doctors all the time along with my two brothers. She also had me cleaning the bathroom tile floor with bleach and ammonia with a little toothbrush. She would insist the door be shut while I was forced to clean it. These are just a few of the horrible things she had me do or did to me. A Lot of her abuse was related to focusing on something being “wrong with my brian” as the years progressed. Her abuse continued into my adult life into my own family. No matter how much I tried to keep her out of my life she found a way in or found a way to gaslight others into believing her outlandish lies about me.She truly is a monster.

      Like you I was very skinny because my mother only allowed me to have 75 grams of carbohydrates a day and no sugar at all. She made me take all kinds of vitamins and as well had me on many different medications. I would flush all the medications down the toilet because when I told the doctor that they were making me feel sick he would order me to take more of them .I had very bad leg cramps and horrible headaches all the time. She even made me use oxygen for my headaches that I believe were all caused from lack of proper nutrition. When I left home at 17 years old I no longer had headaches all the time or leg cramps. Like you I questioned what if anything she told me about myself was true. It sounds like you have a really good reason to question why you were so skinny and suffered high fevers all the time. Have you ever tried to get any of your medical records and see what is in them? I’m not sure if they may be helpful but I totally understand why you are questioning it all. As well I understand you questioning why no one intervened because to this day I have the same question. I was told by several mandated reporters that they believe me that my mother is suffering from Munchausen by proxy yet no one has taken any action to this day. It’s like saying we know you were and are being abused but then they turn up the music and put a headset on and ignore the abuse.

      Thank you for sharing your story as well. I hope you find the answers you are looking for and it creates healing to your heart.

      Blessings,
      Judy

      • I was seven years old, and during a hospital visit, I told a nurse my mother made me sick. Ironically, it was both a mistake and a blessing. It was a mistake in that my mother was questioned by the MDs, and though I don’t know what she said to them, nothing was done. And, of course, my mother was not pleased. The blessing came from the nurse I originally told. She was the same nurse that was preparing me for discharge. I’ll never forget her telling me she believed me. She also told me to try to write it down when it happens so that I’ll always know the truth. I never forgot her words, and that was in 1977. Child abuse was just beginning to gain a bit of attention, and the world certainly wasn’t ready to hear about this form of abuse. The year is now 2020, and though great strides in child abuse awareness have been made, MBP abuse remains relatively silent and unknown. Sadly, I believe the numbers are much higher than anyone can anticipate because of its invisibility. I was fortunate to find what records I could. The first one was from 1971, and though I won’t describe all the details, the diagnosis was severe anemia due to malnutrition. Child abuse did not become a crime until 1974, and I was discharged to my grandmother. My grandmother was supposedly working with my father’s family to gain custody after that, but she was killed in a car accident three months later. Fathers and grandparents had no real rights during that time, so, I remained with my mother and two siblings. We were all physically abused, but, I was asthmatic, and that made me an easy target to help her gain the attention she needed. I feel fortunate to have gotten away from her by 15 years old, but the damage was still done and feels it will never fully get repaired. I have broken many familial cycles, busted many chains, and know that I still have much healing to do. The family I’ve created for myself today keeps me motivated to continue the healing journey, but it doesn’t help the loneliness of having experienced something that is so little known. Thank you to everyone who shared your experiences.

        • Hi Melissa,
          I’m so deeply sorry you had to experience this type of abuse as well and want to let you know I think you are victorious to break the chains and get away from your abuser your own mother. Yes the healing process is life long I believe as well, but so many never get free from the abuser and continue having an unhealthy relationship with the Munchuaser by proxy. So I say congratulations to you for knowing enough to get her out of your life. Like you I hope this illness becomes more recognized and “professionals” take action instead of ignoring the abuse. Some “professionals” without even realizing take part in the abuse because they are unaware that the person is even suffering from Munchausen by proxy. It’s like they form a “cult” of believers that you are sick.Then on top of the Munchauser by proxy abusing you they abuse you without knowing she is lying to them. This is how they gain “power” and you become the victim of not just her abusing you but “professionals” abusing you as well. The gaslighting that can go on is beyond amazing.

          May you continue to heal and be blessed with many beautiful memories with the family you have made.

          Blessings,
          Judy

  17. Sorry you went through such a destructive upbringing. Sounds like you are alone in being able to See her. Uncanny how Munchers can hurt you right in front of a whole room full of people, and no one but you or me can See what’s going on

  18. Dear Cate,
    Thank you for your kind hearted words. Yes I was the only child that made it out from under her direct abuse. I no longer talk to her or have any contact with her whatsoever. On the other hand my two brothers are still in close contact with her. They are both very ill and have several medical issues from what I have heard. I would not put it past her to be the one directly involved with those issues they are facing knowing the way she operates.

    I was advised by a very smart doctor to have nothing to do with her.This doctor has been a life saver. He went to court with me and advised the court about all my childhood abuse and adult abuse at the hands of my munchausen by proxy mother. He also advised the court of all her bazar medical advice and cult-like behaviors. The courts refused to listen to him as this would mean they would have to go back and make the wrongs right. The courts had ignored my cry for help in the very beginning and all the facts went on deaf ears. So on top of the abuse I suffered as a child I was abused again by her and a system that refused to gather facts and instead abused me more for reporting the abuse.

    My only hope is to create change and have the wrongs righted as no one should be abused for reporting abuse. Yes the whole courtroom full of people ignored my cry for help and instead continued to abuse me even more.

    Blessings,
    Judy

    • Dear Judy,

      I am so sorry the system let you down too. I sympathize and can personally relate to your story. When I was 5, a medical doctor put his finger in Mum’s face and said, “You did this to your child.” I recall awaking from my self-protective stupor, feeling shock that someone could See her and recognize her abuse. I felt Hope, and for a moment, dared believe that someone would help me. My hope died when that doctor went on to say, “Get out of my office. If I ever see you or your kid again, will turn you over to the authorities.” He sent me home with her. She used that experience to further torture, threaten and control me. Mum would say, “If you don’t do what I say, I will give you to that doctor and he will give you to the authorities.” Mum stopped taking me to doctors, and she switched her abuse to the realm of psycho-emotional torture and poisonings with common everyday products, OTC and pharmaceutical drugs to keep me dumbed-down and ineffectual. She feed me Fake News and bad information. She poked and provoked me to self-abuse, suggesting that I kill myself and “go play in traffic.” She gave me alcohol and left me with inappropriate “baby-sitters” I got my education in Special Ed along side the autistic, disabled and problem kids. Mum presented me to the around her church as a “retarded kid,” while gleaning sympathy and praise from her church friends. Mum would leave me alone at the apartment over the weekends when I was 8, 9, 10, while she was off with her new man and their child, my little half-sister who was smart and pretty and not-retarded. No one questioned. No one helped me. Her man went along with the neglect, but never abused me directly.

      • Hi Cate,

        I can only imagine the comfort and devastation it brought at such a vulnerable age of 5 for a doctor to put your mother in her place and then turn around and do nothing to help stop the abuse. The hope in your heart and the thought of freedom from her abuse was only brought to yet more abuse in the future.

        You are a hero in my eyes, just being able to open up and tell the details of what happened to you takes lots of strength. I’m deeply sorry that you were abused by someone that is supposed to be loving, kind, and nurturing. Have you ever thought about writing a book and telling your story to create more awareness of this illness? I’m in the middle of doing so myself and I have found it very healing and hope in the future to create more awareness.

        Blessings,

        Judy

        • Thank you for your compassionate comments Judy. The hard part is going forward. I’m 62 and just now learning to love myself, and stop abusing myself with fear, defensiveness, self-hatred and isolation. Interesting how these times of global isolation are inspiring new strengths and insights for me. I see the world poisoning ourselves with massive over-use of disinfectants, reminds me of when Mum bullied me into drinking perfume in order to “smell pretty on the inside too” Or when she poured chemicals on my skin to “get rid of the stink.” Had strong flash-backs when using bleach recently, reminded me of childhood.

          The healing and integrating of a “new self” is both hard and rewarding. I’ve come to the hardest part of all, self-forgiveness for not understanding just how dangerously insane the Mum was – I need self-forgiveness for not protecting my own daughter from her grandmother, the same MSBP/MCA criminal that tortured and held me captive.

          The story I would write today is still filled with the pain of the abusers entourage. I tried to love my family even though they were more than happy to adapt the scapegoat/golden child narrative of the abuser. The experience of having my love rejected by half-sister and her father, then my own daughter, is something I work on a lot these days as I have also internalized and lived decades under such narrative and I’ve repeated the dynamics again and again with new people. I went through a couple years stalked by a series of sociopathic personalities outside the family.

          I see other people have family, and still think – what’s wrong with me that my family devalues and projects their unhealed stuff on me? I have too long chosen mates and friends who invalidate me, just like family did and would still do if I had contact with them.

          The up side is that I’m getting closer to my step-mother as I make the effort to place a phone call regularly, 2x week. We have my Dad in common, he is slipping away with dimensia. He was the only other person besides my Grandmother and myself that would see the abuse. My Grandma, Dad, like myself, were demonized by Mum and her followers – smear campaigns were a powerful modality the abuser used to protected herself.

          Oh, yes, Judy. Some day a book. I did not live through this for nothing. I want to encourage that no one turn a blind eye or allow self-doubt when the cognitive dissonance creeps in. Question. Fact-check for oneself. Smear Campaigns are powerful influencers. When I am strong enough, my story will be written and shared widely.

          • Cate,
            You are so very welcome, I deeply understand the degree of pain this type of abuse can cause and the aftermath of the recovery involved as our journey continues.Im so glad you are learning to love yourself. I found working on my inner child was one of the most profound types of healing I could do. Our inner child is always with us no matter how much healing we do along the way and learning to embrace it by giving it unconditional love can affect this very moment and create positive change in our life. It also gives the abuser less power over us because we have healed the holes they have put in our soul. Then you find yourself not wanting the same type of abuse and or going back to engage with the Munchauser By Proxy.
            I truly understand the forgiveness part as well because I often think to myself “what if I did this or did that different” but then I go back to realize in the moment I did my very best and I am in fact a hero that I even survived her abuse. And that I’m very blessed to even be alive as many children of this type of abuse are not alive to tell their stories like myself or you.
            I look forward to reading your book when it is complete. I believe some of what you have written here is a great start to your life story of being abused by a Munchauser By Proxy. I wish you all the best and comfort in the continuing of your healing process ahead.
            Blessing,
            Judy

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